You just made me feel so damn special
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
