I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
