She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
