you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
