and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
