God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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