Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
