if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
