I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
