I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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