i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
