4 words: hood of his car
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
