You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
