SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
