I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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