Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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