I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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