Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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