My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
