it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
