atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
