Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
