if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
