I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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