Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
