sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
