if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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