Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
