It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She bit a glass in half.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
