I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
