The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
