sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
