a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your penis caused this!
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