she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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