Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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