it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
