I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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