I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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