Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
