just tell him i said nine months
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
