On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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