I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
