I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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