okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
