Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
