How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
