having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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