there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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