First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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