My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
