Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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