it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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