I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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