some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
