i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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