i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
