Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
