if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
