today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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