There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
