I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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