I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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