Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize