watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
