so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
