i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Green mimosas i think yes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
