so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
