I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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